elvin!

in retrospect
2008-08-23 at 12:48 a.m.

was just looking through our class photos from 2 years ago and i realised how much we've grown. (not grown up though :P) it's just an inexplicable change, a collective change. individually, we're still the same. but with all the constraints that life's imposing on us, our circle has broken down a little.. for now. 10 years later, i hope we'll still be able to say "it feels exactly the same as 12 years ago..". meanwhile, let's not lose our sanguine outlook on life. :)

and you know what? 10 percent of me wants to grow up quickly, get all the exam stress over and done with, daang daang daang daang (if you know what i mean lols) and then go spend the rest of my life as a countryside farmer.

oddly enough, it's on days when i write such optimistic stuff that i'm feeling the lousiest. and chipper don't listen to the alarms going off in your head haha i'm fine. X) plus i really feel better after typing my thoughts out.

on to more everyday stuff.. school's been alrights so far. i especially like tuesdays and fridays cs those are the days when class interaction's at the max. :D writing module's hard hard work and alot of discussions but somehow we unanimously feel that it's worth it. on the other hand, lectures seem to be more.. soporific haha after awhile i just switch off. but i made a promise to work hard (for the sake of my long long long term future) so i'll try harder. RED BULL GIVES YOU WINGS!! *flies away*

uni
2008-08-11 at 12:23 a.m.

school's starting tomorrow..

mission.. i'm-possible! :D

O.O
2008-08-10 at 11:45 a.m.

BO CHAP SIAO EHS.

haha okays as usual i'm anyhow using phrases.. close 2 eyes!

stupid?
2008-08-09 at 9:55 a.m.

as stupid things always happen to stupid people..
as stupid things can sometimes be blessings in disguise..

at around 3.45 am on friday morning, i sneaked outta the house for rag cs hany told me that the raggers were gona load the floats onto the lorries very very early in the morning. it's ludicrously scary to be walking alone at that hour (witching hour's from 3-4 am right?) by the way. best thing is i'm not the only 1 who thinks so cs outta the 6 taxis that passed me, only 1 stopped. the rest just accelerated. but then again, i wasn't wearing white (as usual i was wrapped in my grey jacket) SO WHO WAS IT THEY SAW? haha okays just kidding; i looked around and saw no apparition RELAX. :B

anyways, when the 6th taxi stopped and i opened the door.. i got the shock of my life. (remember we're at 3.45 am) the driver was so tall his hair was touching the roof of the car. or maybe you can attribute that to his einstein hair - the white, POOF kind. and to top it all off, he was very very gaunt.. instinct told me to just say sorry, slam the door and wave him off. cs either #1 he's an abducter or #2 he's a ghost. but at that moment, rag was kinda more pressing so i just got in.

you know taxis always have a tag displaying the driver's name and the car number plate? THIS TAXI DIDN'T HAVE 1. panic mode mayday maydayyyyy.

then halfway through the journey, (i think it was around bukit timah area) a rather dense crowd of things suddenly flew up right in front of the taxi. thought they were birds but birds don't have slightly transparent brown wings. ALARM BELLS THEY WERE BATS. buay tahan already so i asked the driver..

sabby: uncle.. did you see those things flying up just now..
driver: huh? *cranes neck to hear*
sabby: did you see those things flying up just now.. (much louder but still shaky voice)
driver: *silence* (but i know he heard me cs i saw him stiffen at the question)

lols he never gave a reply; instead after i asked the question he just floored the accelerator and chiong. then i realised.. HE THOUGHT I WAS A GHOST!! cs when i asked the flying question my voice was quite trembly and he probably mistook it for the haunting cadence of a err pontianak's voice? (i remember pontianaks were supposed to be pretty though)

ah wells moral of the story? next time you happen to travel past midnight and you suay suay tio a ghost-looking taxi driver, SCARE HIM 1ST. fastest scarer 1st!! not only will you guarantee plus chop be safe, you'll also reach your destination in record time.. buy 1 get 1 free! :P yays score 1 for the nub.

if only
2008-08-08 at 12:47 a.m.

if only life were easy peasy lemon squeezy.. :) i'd be ON TOP OF THE WORLD-ORLD-ORLD-ORLD-orld-orld. *echo*

ehs but right now my echo sounds like it's coming from under the earth's surface. be shalala soon!

i wana see the world - virgin snow, deciduous trees in autumn, vast meadows with marigolds swaying in the breeze.. *pensive* ahh i really dream alot. and when people say "aww don't worry you'll get to see all that and more one day..", i just smile and continue regaling them with other big (and trust me, they are huge.. i even wana be a farmer) dreams of mine. but deep down inside, i never stop wondering "when's that one day gona come?".

hello operator
2008-08-06 at 3:30 p.m.

yesterday i spent a good deal of time calling up hotels (to enquire about function room bookings in view of sps' agm next year) and asking for quotations.. and when you call a person you must intro yourself 1st right? so in order to make myself sound more important and serious, i said "hi good afternoon, i'm calling on behalf of my employer from the singapore psychological society..". ACT SMART ONLY. i must have sounded super kiddish cs almost all the 17 hotel administrators i called said "YOUR EMPLOYER??". and then i had to paiseh paiseh qualify my statement and say "oh actually it's my mentor haha i'm on internship right now.". note: the "haha" in my reply did exist. plus the person at the other end of the line also haha-ed with me cs it was super dotsss.

OH ANOTHER THING. you know some people have such professional voices or accents that they sound exactly like the operator? outta the 17 hotels, more than 5 had those kinda people. and my god i really can throw my face down the drain already.

administrator: hi thank you for calling (insert hotel name) you have reached the events and banquets department this is (insert name) it's my pleasure to assist you. (no punctuation marks as well cs her words just flowed and flowed, in my right ear and out my left unfortunately)
sabby: *long long pause* (cs by right you must wait for the operator to redirect you right? nobody talks to the operator..)
administrator: hello?
sabby: (1st thought: OMG IT'S ALIVE) oh oh hello? so sorry i thought you were the.. the.. (mindblock now of all times) the person (and it's not even a person, it's a machine) who.. ahh anyways i'm calling on behalf of my blah blah blah. (finally continues convo normally)

WHY I SO GONG. my mum could have given birth to a curry puff instead and nobody would have known. somemore i left my name, email address and handphone number with them tsk tsk. next time when i arrange my wedding with them i bet they'll remember me as the OPERATOR IDIOT. *pukes curry puff filling out*

little blessings
2008-08-04 at 8:55 p.m.

just a few things i'm extremely thankful for..

pj's back from india! haha although explaining cors to her at 2 am on the day of bidding wasn't the err best way to welcome her back, i'm glad i was able to help (albeit just a teeny bit)..;

wenhao's birthday surprise was a success (though out of the 17 glosticks i bought, 5 were non-functional);

mervin says he feels sad about 6f parting too.. not that i'm happy about him being sad, but it's comforting to sorta you know.. have my feelings validated and be able to justify the spate of emotions i'm plagued by? also, he actually said that there's nothing wrong with being a kid. and you've no idea how relieved i felt after that. (so tired of hearing my mum saying "you're in uni now so you'd better not behave like a kid anymore!!") thanks law! :);

wenhao came to nus today at around 5 pm (after the freshmen inauguration ceremony) just so we could have dinner together, despite him having to book in at 6.30 pm.. thank you luigi!;

and woohan who offered to take over my tuition sessions with brendan occasionally if my uni workload got too heavy.. dapork i don't know what to say but thank you so much!

now, what's left for me to do is to make a few little wishes - that nan will have a blast overseas and come back soon; that pj's round 2a of bidding goes alright; and that 2 years won't be up so soon cs i'm really not ready for another round of goodbyes, not just yet. but for now, i'm good. :)

it's tomorrow
2008-08-03 at 7:36 p.m.

tomorrow's our 1st day of school ahh i sound like a p1 kid.. not anxious, not exactly excited (cs i've been spending lotsa time in nus lately; it almost feels like a 3rd home haha the 2nd being rj yays!), not very stressed either (THAT'S NEW MAN). then again, lessons haven't started haha. but..

for the longest time i've been wondering how the hell am i gona get through these 4 years without 6f to remind me that laughter's always the best medicine. *stoned*

just now on the bus ride home, i suddenly remembered our gp video in j1 february and i started smiling super widely. (for once having small eyes is a good thing: small eyes -> smile = eyes become even smaller -> cannot see people's weird glances) so many funny scenes in just 10 minutes worth of videoing. weiliang's "OH NOOOOO" and "SO.. you wana buy or not?", woohan wearing my mum's yellow dress with white polkadots (supposed to be a prop but we ended up fooling around with it haha) and running around the level 7 corridor, eugene's horribly waxed (and intentionally done that way by weiliang) hair, xinyun the pregnant teacher (pregnant with a pillow lols this one trumps all!) and ruth our imba cameraman and video editor! sadly, i think i ruined the video abit cs of my cockeyed-ness and lousy narration haha. nevertheless, we had many wonderful memories.. definitely 1 project that i loved doing. :D

and that's just the tip of the iceberg. following that, we upped our play factor to the MAX (serious!) with a whole array of after-school games.. life never ever lacked colour. and now that i've reached a crossroad, i've doubts as to how to go on. or can i even go on? our usual bunch - we can sense how one another feels; it's almost like telepathy. i feel as though that special ability of mine has been taken away (not cs it's lost, but cs there's no ub at the moment for me to err use it on) and hidden somewhere. i hope uni people aren't too grown up.. cs i really can't keep up. *warhead face*

anyways, today was meetup day with pj and wenhao! :D laughed nonstop at pizza hut until i nearly pengsan haha PJ YOUR PUNS.. and coupled with wenhao's omg-not-again face i totally buay tahan!! was pretty much concussed cs of my accumulated sleep debt so the pigeon hole up in my skull didn't manage to store any of the jokes aww man. but it was a great day out.. i almost felt like it was j2 all over again. and despite knowing that it's best for me to move on, it always feels better living in the past. ahh nevermind i think i'm depressing you with this sporadic sadness thing. not to mention that it's sending my health into a downward spiral - been sick for more than a month already; even aunty shirley asked me to take a week off tuition to recuperate ahh but no i'm hardier than that. (dapork don't argue!!) :P okays time to go rest.. see you!

p.s.: pj if you ever post that hideous photo on your blog or facebook or any other conceivable nook of the internet, i'll revenge with an even worse drawing of you.. haha no camera so must resort to drawing. but the most dangerous weapon is.. the pen!! *acts intellectual*

oh i forgot to mention this.. my sis sprained her neck rather badly yesterday night while sleeping aiyooo. okays some background info 1st - my whole family sleeps in the master bedroom; my mum, me and my sis (in that order) on the queen sized bed and my dad on the single bed (both beds are pushed together). yesterday night i wasn't home. which meant that there was more room for my sis to move, since i wasn't there to "mould" her into the correct sleeping orientation haha. (important: she tosses and turns wayyyyy more than the average person; so far she's kicked my dad off the bed, given my mum a baluku on her nose and minorly injured my ribcage) so she turned and turned and ended up sleeping horizontally curled up instead of vertically. and when she woke up, her neck pokkai already. moral of the story: i am indispensable. haha kidding!! (i sound like mervin tsk tsk) get well soon tabs!

tuition
2008-08-02 at 10:26 p.m.

i suddenly have a very strong urge to play gunbound.. haha reminds me of our j2 days. :D

anyways, tuition today was incredible. supposed to end at 12 pm but i ended up leaving only at 2 pm. cs.. brendan, clifton and i were engrossed in played the electronic game version of "deal or no deal"! and guess what 1st time lucky I WON 1 MILLION!! haha brendan's super cute he won 1 cent i think. :P but he's a real good sport.. and after that they psychoed me to play some soccer game which i lost. every single round. and through it all i was laughing and playing along with them so much that aunty shirley said "sabby ni hen xiang yi ge da hai zi!" (you're like a big kid) and laughed as well. young-at-heart ftw! X)

fun aside, i'm rather worried about brendan's learning disability and his health for certain reasons. praying that everything turns out alright..

oh and one of my sis' fishes gave birth again (the wife of my favourite fish this time)! but none of us were there at that time so all the bigger fishes in the tank ate the babies. managed to rescue only 1 i think ahh man..

cors >:(
2008-08-02 at 12:20 a.m.

I SURVIVED BIDDING!! though it gave me a throbbing headache haha. and i'm very thankful for the results.. all the best to those bidding in round 2a jiayou!

the packed days are almost over.. *sweatdrop of relief*

packed
2008-07-30 at 11:45 p.m.

the next few days are gona stretch me thin. a quick review for my own reference (cs my memory just can't take anymore at the moment ahh):

thursday
8.30 am - report for fass o-week
10 am - usp cors briefing
rush back for o-week after briefing
7-10 pm external psych course
(somehow manage to be at fass o-week simultaneously)

and most importantly, CORS BIDDING STARTS. long bia!

friday
bidding continues
4 pm - start of usp stayover
(somehow manage to be at fass o-week simultaneously)

saturday
10 am - 12 pm - tuition at brendan's
rush back for stayover (continued) after tuition

and in between it all, i've to somehow fit in present-making cs wenhao's birthday is coming. in fact it's this friday but army's releasing him only on saturday night.. which, by some stroke of luck lols, gives me slightly (and really only slightly) more leeway. but the clock's still working against me so i'm stuffing myself now (2 slices of raisin bread and 3 sausages.. you guys know that's far from normal haha) in preparation to stay up the entire night. PRESENTS FTW!!

bidding
2008-07-30 at 2:34 p.m.

even before uni has officially started, WE ARE AT THE END OF OUR LIFELINE CS OF BIDDING FOR MODULES. thank goodness for daffy who has imba forbearance for my endless questions! and daf i like your new word.. long bia!! means to bang your head against the wall haha LONG BIAAAAAAAAAA. and joined with my other favourite phrase you'll get BAI LONG LONG LONG BIA! which doesn't make sense lols err slowly bang your head against the wall but nevermind.

and i'm also thankful for my og mates (both psych and usp). absolutely love talking to you guys online!

anyways dapork i know you read my blog so.. it was really nice catching up yesterday. :) the last time we actually sat down (by the roadside haha) was ages ago.. but things still agar agar feel about the same anyhow yays! back to rj next week? must remind me to bring uniform lols these few days my memory has been very transitory bordering on non-existent. :B

AND PJ WELCOME BACK TO SINGAPORE MY DEAR!! much as i'm disinclined to say so, i've gotta admit that without your constant suanning it feels like something's missing. especially now that nan isn't here to chip (ahh what a pun) in on the suannings.. outing soon! :)

matriculation
2008-07-28 at 10:54 p.m.

matriculation today! haha i'm officially a student of nus yays! a few months back, i was pretty apprehensive about choosing not to take a gap year and hazard a shot at overseas unis.. but right now i'm a hundred percent sure that my decision to stay in singapore, at least for the next 2 years, is the best i can make. after that, it's up to fate already lols.

anyways, we got our nus student passes today. i look yucky as usual and my sis actually said "you look better in your ezlink". !!!!!!!!!! usual bunch people you can sit on her now.. haha after matriculation, i went to meet chan and mel at holland v for lunch. but guess what we met on the bus! (only cs i took it from the wrong busstop ah wells some people just don't learn) lotsa gossiping and catching up over chai tow kuay.. (i still think the bukit timah one is nicer aww man) and conclusion is THE 3 OF US ARE GOING TO HELL for all the lampooning we engaged in. mel especially haha she's gona lead the way, with chan bringing up the rear. :P

after lounging around for quite long, we went back to nus mpsh cs the 2 of them wanted to check out the laptops. i was happily trailing along with no intention to purchase a laptop until they enlightened me on the importance of having a laptop in uni i.e. playing games during breaks or msning a classmate from across the lecture theatre. haha such great friends.. now i know why i turned out like that. *dodges potatoes* EHS DON'T FORGET THE BUTTER!! X)

on the way out i met jessie oh man primary school classmate! :) and she didn't recognise me at all (neither did she remember me :() but considering how much i changed between j1 and j2 (not to mention from primary school till now), i doubt any of my primary school mates can recognise me lols. she looked real familiar but i didn't think i'd actually remember her name until the words were outta my mouth. (my mouth moves faster than my brain this is bad) yep apparently we haven't been keeping in contact with the rest from nan hua primary despite passing around autograph books and asking for addresses or telephone numbers the day before graduation.. it's just an unaccountable hollow feeling.

exactly what i'm afraid of. we're so adept at adapting and constructing new memories, but at the same time we've a proclivity to forget. and if 2 friends remain outta touch for long enough, they won't be able to find any impetus to get in contact and rehash past events anymore. so.. 6f LET'S DEFY PARKINSON'S DISEASE AND REMEMBER ONE ANOTHER FOR LIFE!! :)

okays my stomachache is back i think i need to go sit on the porcelain throne again. see you!

added on at 11.32 pm: while sitting on the royal throne, (i think i reflect the most in toilets erps) i realised that my tenacity in holding on to the past is what makes me balk at the prospect of reality.. and the future. i'll err.. try and change! :D

and in retrospect i'm incredibly thankful to have my sis around. especially when i need audience for my i-miss-people speeches lols exploit her! we used to have regular violent fights (the kind where you really want the other person to die haha) when we were young.. but over the years we've grown loads closer, so much so that when 1 of us leaves for camp, the other will sorta cry a little. so yep, thank you not-so-little one! :)

haphazard
2008-07-27 at 7:16 p.m.

today, i received the nicest drawing in my entire 18 years.. i love it love it love it!! haha gona stick it in the front cover of my uni file! :D

aww man school's starting in a week's time and all i have in my wardrobe are scads of school t-shirts and fbts. but.. since when does sabby worry about clothes lols!

you know, sometimes i really feel as though i'm going through some form of quarter-life crisis. gets rather draining after awhile cs it alternates between being spasmodic and perennial. but oddly enough i go to bed each day feeling very contented.. (doesn't apply when exams come though :P)

oh yeahs i feel like buying a couple of clownfish for my sis cs her birthday's coming. (currently she's obsessed with fishes i've no idea why) but then again i doubt they're freshwater fish so.. anyone got nice breeds of fish to recommend? she likes the rotund ones by the way..

workshop
2008-07-27 at 12:13 a.m.

yoyoyo after weeks of procrastinating, i finally went for my medical checkup today! haha seeing as monday is matriculation day.. erps. time really is flying by. but let's shove that aside for awhile (i seriously need to indulge in a little escapism right now).. X)

anyways, wenhao tagged along with my mum and i to the doc's, afterwhich the 3 of us went to eat chai tow GAY (or so he pronounces it haha) at bukit timah (shiok stuff) and then went back to my place. lols joined my sis at the coffeetable where we watched her fish swimming round and round, and the water becoming murkier and murkier with their incessant shitting. laughed like siao over lotsa things; i swear wenhao has the weird power to make my mum and sis laugh nonstop. got very good rapport between them also.. maybe one day he'll usurp my place in the family shalala! then we started teasing him haha called him pooh bear cs his eyebrow bone kinda juts out like pooh bear's does. super uncanny resemblance!! :P a hundred acre wood.. ~~

after the siaodingdong-ness finally subsided, my dad gave us a lift to aipp where i had to attend a workshop. imba funny throughout the car ride we were sticking out our tongues at one another.. like primary school kids oh man! but that's the way life should be haha to me at least. :D

said bye bye to him at the lift lobby and then went in to register. i've gotta say, the workshop was really informative and well, kinda apt actually. it was about how we can help children and adolescents deal with grief. and grief isn't only restricted to death; it can also arise due to the loss of something valued. and yeahs, in a way i could relate cs it was only yesterday that nan left for boston. but somehow, the lassitude i've been feeling for the past few weeks has more or less ebbed away. i guess i've come to terms with the fact that farewells (whether temporary or permanent) are imperative in life. and as someone told me before, "it's the unhappy things that compel us to appreciate the happy ones so much more". so.. CHIPPER HOW'RE YOU DOING OVER THERE IN ILLINOIS!! haha i still haven't gotten accustomed to facebook yet so i'll have to make do with blogging and emailing to communicate with you for now. :B will learn slowly though.. BAI LONG LONG! lols i love that phrase!!

yep today has been a rather fulfilling day. loads of fun too, thanks to wenhao and his one-in-a-million sense of humour. :)

and guess what.. it's the 27th already yays!

chipper
2008-07-25 at 9:38 p.m.

yesterday, zhen and i camped overnight at nan's house.. nan actually rented vcds but somehow when we meet up, we have the propensity to lapse into the activity that requires least energy - talking. man we're so used to having one another around that talking becomes more than just second nature..

left the house at around 4 am and started off for changi airport in nan's dad's car. reached there, checked in and ate breakfast at macs. and oddly, i didn't feel any tinge of sadness leftover from the past few weeks. it was like everything belonging to the sad spectrum of emotions just vaporised. the 3 of us were joking, laughing and suanning (it's become first nature already lols) around all the way through breakfast and up to the departure gates. i think it really helped that nan was so excited about stepping into a new land cs then it was easier for me to somewhat shove my feelings aside.

but when at the departure gates we hugged and said goodbye, it hit me so so hard. our next hug would be 5 months later; she was really going. then i totally nua-ed away. and through the rising amount of eye-water, nan's back view became blurry and fuzzy. but i hope our memories will tide us through and keep the past alive and vivid, always.

to nan my fellow chipmunk chipper.. you, pj, woohan and wenhao really made a difference in my life. i mean it; if not for you guys, i'd be facing the a's this year instead.. a long time ago, i used to be rather impervious to farewells. i felt sad and all, but i got over it pretty quickly. and i almost never cried. then, jc came and turned everything around. maybe it's cs of the affinity we shared. maybe it's cs in my most difficult times (and my god they were seriously tough), you guys were there to give me a good hard shake and then help me carry on. and the thing is that throughout the journey, even though we walked side by side, you all were always a small step ahead.. kinda paving the way for me. and i felt very protected, very loved.

for all the times we schemed and planned birthday surprises, all the times we suanned one another mercilessly, we will hold on. create new memories while keeping the old safely tucked away. take care in boston okays chipper? and every 5 months, we'll meet up and it'll be yesterday once more.

with so much love, sabbydale.

and this is just the beginning of wave 1. in 2 years' time when the guys leave, i'll have wave 2 to handle. but for now, let's just take heart in the knowledge that we made the most outta the 2 years we had together. and that in itself already means alot.. i love you guys, really.

sad
2008-07-14 at 8:05 p.m.

suddenly i feel so miserable.. a few months back i was wishing for uni to start soon, but now that it's become an imminent reality.. I DON'T WANT ANYMORE. the finality of it all has sunk in. and i don't wana step outta the familiarity that i've so comfortably ensconced myself in.

in uni there won't be a fixed class for us to go to. no more 6f. no more passing "tagboards" around during lectures. no more iced lemon teas during recess. no more familiar quotes like mervin's "the whaaaaat?" and wenhao's "PAY ME $40 NOW!". no more funky hand actions like weiliang's TULIP that transcended the 2 years of our jc life. no more pj's imba puns. no more chip and dale. no more da ben zhu and xiao ben zhu. no more laughing with the back row girls. no more playing hide-and-seek or freeze-and-melt after school.

the only things left are those that live on in our memories. my worrying is probably uncalled for since well, i've fantastic psych og mates whom i can count on. but somehow i feel this inexplicable bond with 6f. can't say i'm close to every single one of you in class but i'm certain that when put together, all of us always have stuff to share and laugh about.

i don't wana leave this familiarity behind. don't wana close the chapter. cs i'm so scared that once i move forward, the past will gradually fade into an inconspicuous blur.. just like how many of the "keep in touch" promises from the past failed to stay indissoluble.

and yet in spite of all these fears, a part of me knows that it'll be okay. that 6f will leave but live. we'll make it work. i'll be keeping my fingers, toes and eyes crossed!